Human Being or Human Doing
What is it like for you in the stillness of being alone? What’s it like for you to just sit? Can you just be when all else fades away, the friends are gone, the computer is off, the cell phone is put away? You have nothing to do and no one to meet. All to-do lists are completed and you have nowhere to go. Only silence. Now what…
Most of my clients greatly struggle with being alone. They fight it with ruthless tenacity. In fact, their avoidance of being alone drives them to insanity. Silence and stillness brings overwhelming anxiety, fear, or pain. So long as the noise of numbers and counting fills their thoughts, silence in the mind is avoided. So long as they are accomplishing, producing, achieving, stillness does not overtake them. Most are seen as some of the world’s most “successful” individuals. They are straight A students or accomplished professionals. They appear to be incredibly competent and ambitious. Perhaps they manage to hold a successful career, raise three children, volunteer at the PTA, and fit in a workout every day. How do they do it?!
Those with eating disorders are running from something. And it takes a whole lot of energy to continue avoiding that something. So long as one keeps running and filling the space with the noise of obsessions, that something is drowned out. But what is in that silence and stillness? What comes up in those moments when one is alone? That thing, whatever it is, must be addressed. Sooner or later, one must turn and face that thing head on if recovery is to be possible.
Are you a human being or a human doing? This is a popular assignment given to my clients since so many struggle with being alone. An important step of recovery is stripping away all external distractions and taking a good hard look at what’s inside. Once the pain is confronted and resolved, those exhausting behaviors aren’t needed anymore. At last, there is peace. In fact, many who are recovered share that for the first time in their lives, they actually love being alone.
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