Holiday “Fat Talk”
While enjoying this morning’s walk along the beach, two women ran past me and I overheard their conversation that pushed through their labored breaths.
“I really want to keep the weight off this year.”
“I know, but I always just give up after Thanksgiving and figure that my new year’s resolution will be to lose all the weight I gained.”
They were gone in a flash, but they left behind with me the realization they we are in full swing of holiday “fat talk”. This term, first coined by Mimi Nichter who wrote Fat Talk: What Girls and Their Parents Say about Dieting, is that conversation that plays out ad nauseum whenever a group of females get together. This discourse reaches an all-time roar around the holidays, starting around Halloween with all of the candy and continuing well past New Years as everyone sets their New Year resolution on losing weight.
Unfortunately, fat talk is an accepted part of our culture. It can even be a distorted way for women to bond by finding some kind of common ground by degrading their bodies. I’d like to pause here and just reflect on how absurd it is that we, as a culture, endorse this cultural value and teach our children that being a woman means that you are constantly dissatisfied with your body. Why couldn’t we just as easily shift our conversations to ones of thanks and acceptance for our bodies? Can you imagine how this would shift our entire culture?
Anyways, holiday fat talk is extremely difficult for those who struggle with an eating disorder. The holidays evoke extreme anxiety for many, particularly those who suffer with food and body obsessions. Imagine running 2 hours a day on perhaps 500 calories for weeks prior to Thanksgiving in preparation for this national binge day (that’s basically what it is). And then you timidly fill your plate with salad and vegetables when someone next to you says, “oh my gosh! These mashed potatoes are going to have me working out at the gym for weeks!” Or imagine that you’ve just spent the last month paralyzed with the anxiety of eating in front of people when someone serving the gravy makes a comment on what this will do to her hips. Or imagine that the thought of seeing family has had your stomach in knots and mom says, “gosh, honey. Have you been watching your figure? Maybe you should pass on the pumpkin pie this year.” The shame and embarrassment now triggers you to hide yourself in gallons of ice cream after everyone has finished the Thanksgiving feast and left for the night. Comments like these are enough to send someone into a tailspin, or straight to the bathroom to purge. What might seem like benign comments to some, may be enough for someone’s eating disorder to feast on for days, a set up for a regression deep into eating disorder behaviors.
I caution all of us to be mindful of our attitudes and words this year. We never know who around us may be struggling with an eating disorder. And derogatory comments aren’t good for anybody’s soul, mind, or self-esteem. What if we focused on being thankful rather than on escaping the meal without any added pounds? What if the holidays were really about family, friends, and spiritual celebration rather than food? Let’s make this season fat talk free.
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